.:: eternal tumbleweed ::.

haitus

2010-07-10T12:55:00.000-07:00

i'm pretty sure its time to retire this blog...

or at least put it on hiatus until further notice....

four score and ten years ago

2010-06-06T22:03:00.000-07:00

do you ever get the feeling you haven't moved anywhere? like your life has remained completely stationary in the past 10 years. i'm about to move down to a smaller, more affordable car.

and i'm in a job, where i'm starting again. i'm at the bottom of the barrel. i've switched careers.

i'm still planning on going back to school in september, that hasn't changed. the good news is that they changed some of the entrance requirements to get into the degree program. i want to try again. stupid math course.

i have "nothing to show" for 12 years of work in the accounting field. i have 150 'friends' on facebook, but yet not feel connected to anything really.

i watch survivor. i try and stay in shape. i love pepsi. having a boyfriend is probably the only thing that is different. i'm not trying to discredit that, but there still has to be more...

rant

2010-06-01T20:00:00.000-07:00

it has been bugging me about the lack of services that are available before or after work.

case in point. the other week, to renew a prescription, i had to call and make an appt with my Doctor. of course, getting an appt close to 5:00pm or close to 9:00am is next to impossible.

i have to either leave work early or be late. both of those i don't like doing, especially for something that takes 2 minutes to write out.

i chose NOT to make an appt, which meant i had to get my prescription renewed by a walk-in Doctor. i think they are fake doctors.

i sat there and waited for an hour to see the Doctor after work. with all the sick people who had every right to be there. but i didn't want them coughing on me. maybe that's why i've been feeling ill.

after getting the prescription, i proceeded to the pharmacy. where i had to wait another 45 min to get it filled. and then pay out of pocket $144. i was beside myself by the time i got home. a good 13 hours after originally leaving for work in the morning.

drive thru doctor anyone?

Failed Reality TV ideas Part Two

2010-05-29T21:12:00.000-07:00

1) Minute to Skin it - Contestants have less than one minute to skin a plethora of animals. Definitely not for the squeamish.

2) Slother (Jamaica version) - Outrest Outnap and Outlaze. 16 contestants are flow-in from around the world, to compete in a variety of rest-based challenges, in order to become the sole slother. Tag line "moving: optional"

3) The Steal World - a behind the scenes reality show located in Mall across America where they focus on Shoplifters, the fallout, and the Mall cops.

4) Dancing with the Cars - Contestants are paired up with a variety of cars, where they perform dancing numbers. Too tired? Try four tires...

5) Project Nunway - reality TV show with nuns entering a Nunnery. The process, the dedication, the scandals.

Recovering Christian

2010-05-29T20:07:00.000-07:00

I don't believe in organized religion. nor an organized relationship. I'm disillusioned with something i used to promote. and i have no desire to change it. I'm not the same person I was a year ago. and some of the things are good. and some of the things are bad.

I've seen too much to believe that it works.

Its not like I need to reinvent myself. Although I have felt way more stable, and more content. I've stopped watching the "parade of the families" and the Community of the Musicians. I just couldn't fight the "cause of the week" anymore. It doesn't work.

I don't believe in community anymore. You have to create your own. The world is falling apart and the people who are supposed to be leading lack integrity, compassion and most of all love. People can be trashed, and the People cared more about whether CD's were being illegally downloaded.

There is something so structurally wrong. I had to walk away. Make a clean break. I've temporarily walked away before, with the intention of going back. I can't now.

And the best part of it all, they look down on me...their snickers and their self-righteous whispering, their arrogance bleeding through their smiles. Where they preach Wealth, but focus on Rock Stars.

We live in the murder capital of Canada - and the schools are segregated by

I'm starting a 12-step program for recovering believers.

Step 1 - realized you're never going to be accepted by them
Step 2 - start thinking on your own
Step 3 - have fun
Step 4 - watch TV
Step 5 - take care of yourself
Step 6 - use social media to build a better community
Step 7 - get a boyfriend (or girlfriend if it applies)
Step 8 - stand up for when do wrong things
Step 9 - invent more steps to recover by
Step 10 - have a nap
Step 11 - start the healing process on your own, by resting
Step 12 - stop volunteering for stuff, when you have your own stuff to do

okay so the list needs work. but those are my thoughts...

enlisted saturday

2010-05-15T18:53:00.000-07:00

i had a good day off. the first "good" day off in a long time. it began with a sleep. i woke up, then went back to bed. got up. then just lazed around.

things i love about summer.
1) no wearing socks
2) seeing the sun - and not wearing sunglasses
3) feeling almost human
4) feeling the warm wind that hasn't been produced by my gas fireplace, or my car heater
5) ice cream sandwiches
6) strawberries
7) pepsi
8) exercising
9) daylight that stays on after i get off of work
10) the smells from my landlord's garden outside my window

2010-04-25T17:11:00.000-07:00

i know i've been quiet. i've been busy. should be back to normal tomorrow.

2010-03-08T18:16:00.000-08:00

my creativity is at a standstill. learning new job. part-time school. dog-sitting...

to be continued...

debt to society.

2010-02-19T14:10:00.000-08:00

i find this clock a bit scary.

and overwhelming.

and a lot of information.

mug shots for the vancouver olympians

2010-02-18T22:01:00.000-08:00

although i'm a super big fan of the canadians, the olympics and the entire website. I would have thought that the IOC would have used better photos for their athletes profiles.

the pictures are starting to look a bit more like mug shots.

yes please. can i?

2010-02-18T14:41:00.000-08:00

Book keeper required for quick books. Emmidiate start needed. Must know quickbooks with no training required.

For more information call ...

this ad was on craigslist.

1. bookkeeper is one word.
2. Emmediate start eh? is that like Immediate, only quicker?
3. Must know quickbooks, with no training required.

Interesting. I see why they need a detail person, but if you can't take care in writing the ad, how would I feel as an employee.

2010-02-17T22:34:00.001-08:00

i really don't update my blog all that much. just saying...

tis morning.

2010-02-17T09:20:00.001-08:00

good morning people who read my blog. known or not known.

the poem from the opening ceremonies.

2010-02-16T21:09:00.000-08:00

Big fan of the poem listed below. I'm not uber-patriotic, but I felt more than proud when Shane recited his poem.

Text of Shane Koyczan's opening ceremonies poem, "We Are More"

By: THE CANADIAN PRESS

VANCOUVER, B.C. - A transcript of Shane Koyczan's poem, "We Are More," as delivered during the opening ceremonies of the 2010 Olympic Games:

"Define Canada
You might say the home of the Rocket
Or The Great One
Who inspired little No. 9s and little No. 99s
But we're more than just hockey and fishing lines
Off of the rocky coast of the Maritimes
And some say what defines us
Is something as simple as 'please' and 'thank you'
And as for 'you're welcome,' well, we say that, too
But we are more than genteel or civilized
We are an idea in the process of being realized
We are young, we are cultures strung together then woven into a tapestry
And the design is what makes us more than the sum totals of our history
We are an experiment going right for a change
With influences that range from A to Zed
And yes, we say 'Zed' instead of 'Zee'
We are the brightness of Chinatown and the laughter of Little Italy
We dream so big that there are those
Who would call our ambition an industry
Because we are vineyards of good year after good year
We reforest what we clear
Because we believe in generations beyond our own
Knowing now that so many of us
Have grown past what we used to be
We can stand here today
Filled with all the hope people have
When they say things like 'someday'
Because we are more
Than a laundry list of things to do and places to see
More than hills to ski
Or countryside ponds to skate
We are the abandoned hesitation of all those who can't wait
We are first-rate greasy spoon diners and healthy living cafes
A country that is all the ways you choose to live
A nation that can give you variety
Because we are choices
We are millions upon millions of voices
Shouting, keep exploring
We are more
We are the surprise the world has in store for you, it's true
Canada is the 'what' in 'what's new'
So don't let your luggage define your travels
Each life unravels differently
And experiences are what make up
The colours of our tapestry
We are the true North
Strong and free
And what's more
Is that we didn't just say it
We made it be"

Russian Figure Skaters - Vancouver 2010 Olympics

2010-02-09T22:59:00.000-08:00

i went to the gym tonight.

the Russian Figure skaters were there. i bumped into one of them. literally. my hip hurts on the right side.

man those skaters are in brutal shape. one of the female skaters were doing exercises on the balls. my stomach hurt just looking at them.

so you could say i worked out with the Russian Figure Skaters before the Olympics. it would be a stretch to say that. but you could say it...

my dream jobs:

2010-02-06T16:28:00.000-08:00

1. working with Cesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer
2. being paid to travel around the world and test out hotels.
3. being paid to test out apple computers.
4. Processed Food Critic
5. Nap Expert

umployment, graphs, and microsoft 2007

2010-02-05T16:50:00.000-08:00

i'm unemployed.

here is a graph to show what I will be doing.

Magnetic Advice From My Fridge

2010-01-10T14:46:00.000-08:00

advice via magnetic words. 2010 version of "synergy".

buy low, sell high: no more. shop weak, sell easy. soak it in.

clips

2010-01-09T07:47:00.001-08:00

ok. let me go over these clips for you.

left to right:

1. the small generic metal paper clip - best option so far. small, versatile, yet sometimes attaches to papers it shouldn't. doesn't stick too much.

2. the bigger generic metal paper clip - better option for bigger bundles of paper. a hard balance between the smaller generic paper clip (#1). how many pieces of paper work best for this one?

3. the small generic plastic paper clip - i despise these clips. they stick way too much. so i gather them up, and put them on an employee's desk. because she likes them.

4. the small butterfly binder clip - best option when you want to "permanently" clip documents together, without using a staple. ideal for such things as clipping bank statements together with the bank reconciliation. you know you'll need to take the papers apart, and a staple is so final. small binder clips: a personal favorite.

5. random green binder clip: i refuse to use this one on paper. its green. and i am holding onto it for something special. i don't know what, but its green. i like it.

6. old style binder clip: not a big fan. i usually dispose of these ones. or send it along with something that is leaving my desk "area". they don't clip documents together very well. they tend to slide out way too much. not enough gripping action.

7. medium sized binder clip: love 'em. can't say enough good stuff about them. a better option for bigger piles of paper. they stick less to papers near them, than other clips. a good "medium" sized option. any bigger than this, and it becomes less functional. bigger is not always better.

8. the large binder clip: great option for larger bundles of paper. too big for day-to-day use, but handy for larger bundles. a true office favorite though.

i tried.

2010-01-08T18:01:00.000-08:00

i tried to upload a picture. it didn't work. so i'll leave a short note.

this has been a crazy ride the last little while.

so much i'll leave it a list.

1. i've started dating someone. its been a crazy ride. to go from many many years of singleness to dating someone. unchartered territory, that's for sure.
2. i failed a math class. badly. really badly. i'm getting tired of going backwards. it got old a long time ago. its not helping the restlessness.
3. i organized my entire place over my holidays. just a few more things to clean, and i should be good to go for the next four months. i won't pretend to be domestic.
4. i'm such an odd paradox. i love having someone around. but i love my alone time.
5. i start school again on Monday. its going to be a long semester. oh dear.

Ms. D Tales

2010-01-02T15:09:00.001-08:00

Turns out I actually like organizing stuff. I spent the better part of my last week off completely organizing my place.

Sam had some table legs, for a table that I had, and I was able to create an office space in my room. A place to put my office stuff instead of the floor. I went through my entire bedroom several times and went through all of my drawers.

highlight of the week

2009-11-26T08:15:00.000-08:00

(response from CNN when I made a correction to one of their stories)

Thank you from CNN!

As you know, CNN.com provides our readers with the resources to bring to our attention possible errors on our site. (Even the very talented CNN.com writers are only human, and yes they do occasionally make mistakes!) You recently took advantage of these resources and brought to our attention an error in one of our stories. Thanks to your eagle eye and your willingness to take the time to report it to us, it's been corrected. This email is to acknowledge your contribution to CNN.com.

We are proud to be able to offer our millions of readers the opportunity to contribute to our reports in a variety of ways, and especially proud of readers like you, who partner with us in our efforts to be the very best. From all of us at CNN.com, THANK YOU! We look forward to hearing from you again soon.

lemmings.

2009-11-22T15:20:00.000-08:00

i guess i'm just not able to sum up what bothers me about something. i guess, perhaps the same people that are supposed to be doing something, aren't. i just have a hard time with that. i can't put details on here, but it may just get me on my soap box. i guess, what sort of got me going was a conversation from yesterday. why can't i let those things slide? perhaps because they had their chance to do something, and they did nothing. i wanted to challenge their thinking, but was only met with resistence.

i've been reading a book, in my spare time called Freakonomics, which is actually kind of interesting. although i don't quite know why i bought a book on Economics, when I'm studying economics. it gives you a whole new insight into different statistics and what they actually mean. from housing costs, to crime stats, to the Klu Klux Klan.

i guess i'm tired of feeling like a lemming. or a dodo bird. i can't remember which one.

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.
Edmund Burke

2009-11-21T09:05:00.000-08:00

i can't believe a month has past since i last posted.
i started a new video project, first time using humans. kind of nervous how this is going to work out. but there are portions that are going to be super funny.
i can't wait to be done school, i can tell my desire to "finish well" is not high on the priority list. survival and just getting through seems to be high.
my domestic responsibilities seem to be slipping. i'd imagine once school is done, i'll return to my regular Martha Stewart way of life. (sarcasm intended)
my staff christmas party is coming up. never been a big fan of staff parties with their spouses. i feel like Cinderella with nothing to wear. seriously.
i'm trying to see if someone wants to borrow my bike for the fall/winter. i'm not going to insure it for that season. beats it sitting in my landlord's garage for that time frame.
one paper, one more class, and two exams. i can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
i can't decide what classes to take for next semester.
i went to work this week and didn't blow dry my hair due to the power being out. it drove me nuts all day.
i've got nothing else to say.

Funny blog

2009-10-25T09:44:00.000-07:00

so. i got nothing. i've been sick the last few days. and really have nothing to say. except for how much i dislike staying home for days on end.

I did watch a movie that kathleen lent me. it was called Martian Child. somewhat amusing. although i must admit the constant whispering in the movie slightly got on my nerves. i understand the child was shy and unsure of himself. but it was a very good thing it had subtitles, otherwise i would have shut it off much sooner. i do have to admit, that i really like Joan Cusack. she's a funny lady, in one of those supporting roles. she kind of plays those wacky-mom types fairly well. much like she did, in Raising Helen .

on another note, i've finished watching the rest of season 2 and season 3 of Arrested Development. so funny. sad that's its over, but i forgot how funny the writing was.

Lanie-don't-do-a-things

2009-10-21T20:52:00.000-07:00

Anderson History

The name of 'son of Andrew' is widespread in Scotland in different forms. In the Highlands it was rendered as MacAndrew, more commonly in the lowlands as Anderson. They share the same Gaelic derivation of 'Gilleaindreas' - literally a servant of St. Andrew, Scotland's patron saint.

Though it is said there is no exact place of origin, the Kinrara manuscript contains details of a claim that the MacAndrews came to Badenoch from Moidart c.1400 The tales of the vengeance of Iain beg MacAindrea on cattle lifters who raided Badenoch may confirm this. However, there is no disputing the intellectual pedigree that his kin folk subsequently established (oh i'm disputing this alright....)

The tradition of scholarly erudition has significant roots in Anderson clan history throughout all the disciplines. This tradition was first established by Alexander Anderson who published works on geometry and algebra (silly silly man that Alex) in Paris between 1612 and 1619. His cousin, David Anderson of Finshaugh, shared a similar skill in mechanics and mathematics (you have GOT to be kidding me) that he applied to removing a large rock that had obstructed the entrance to Aberdeen harbour.

This achievement earned him the nick-name 'Davie-Do-a'-Things.'

I'm a shoe in

2009-10-17T14:21:00.001-07:00

I can't believe it, I went to the store wearing two different shoes. One black, and brown. And they try and convince me that I'm Not burnt out. I feel like I've been at the same pace since June 1st, and I'm not sure I can keep going on the same pace for that much longer. I'm no good to anyone.

2009-10-14T20:00:00.000-07:00

i can kind of tell i've been going at the same pace for so long, that the quality of work that i am producing is pretty poor. i feel like i'm doing 174 things really poorly, and there is still two months left at this particular pace.

i'm kind of burnt out, with nothing left to give anyone.

Separation of state vs. Space

2009-10-12T15:21:00.001-07:00

I've been having a hard time separating my "rest" time vs. School time. Meaning that I have a hard time shutting my brain off when I'm resting in the same spot that I've been studying. Libraries are closed on long weekends, and I have been in the same spot for two days. So I decided to clean up where I normally kept my school stuff, and move it into my bedroom. So now when I'm resting, I'm looking at this instead of paperwork.

Innoncent until proven guilty Development (Arrested)

2009-10-11T13:24:00.000-07:00

i'm rewatching Arrested Development all the way thru again. funniest thing ever.

i forgot how brilliant the show was. in terms of setting the entire stage for the entire show. so brilliant.

buster makes me laugh. what an awkward character.

just saying (saturday edition)

2009-10-10T15:10:00.000-07:00

if i am one-in-a-million, and there are 6.789 billion people on the planet. then according to my calculations, there would be 6,789 'me's' in the world. so that is really not that unique...

just saying...

Mitch Hedberg quotes

2009-10-09T21:36:00.000-07:00

You know they call corn-on-the-cob "corn-on-the-cob" right? But that's how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that "corn." They should call every other version "corn-off-the-cob." It's not like if you cut off my arm you would call my arm "Mitch." But then reattach it and call it "Mitch-all-together!"

I bought a doughnut, and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut, man, I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut... end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut! I got the doc-u-men-tation right here... oh, wait it's at home... in the file... under 'D'... for doughnut."

Whenever I go to shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving, so I say, "I'm gonna go shave, too."

I want to hang a map of the world in my house, and then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.

I'm sick of Soup of the Day, it's time we made a decision. I wanna know what the fuck 'Soup From Now On' is.

I saw a lady on T.V. She was born without arms. Literally, she was born with her hands attached to her shoulders... and that was sad, but then they said, "Lola does not know the meaning of the word 'can't.'" And that to me was kinda worse... in a way... ya know? Not only does she not have arms, but she doesn't understand simple contractions. It's very simple, Lola, you just take two words, you put them together, then you take out the middle letter, you put a comma in there and you raise it up!

When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say "Dufresne, party of two. Dufresne, party of two." And if no one answers they'll say their name again. "Dufresne, party of two, Dufresne, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, what happened to the Dufresnes? No one seems to give a shit. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing! You fuckers are selfish. The Dufresnes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry. That's a double whammy. Bush, search party of three, you can eat when you find the Dufresnes.

I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something.

enlisted wed

2009-10-07T19:38:00.000-07:00

1. never EVER try to figure out the Gauss-Jordan Elimination format after spending the entire day figuring out stuff at work.
2. i think once i'm done these two courses, i'm gonna have to go thru a RedBull Rehab program. cheaper to buy them from costco. harder on the heart, i'm sure.
3. i'm still a little distraught that it is "Driving Miss Daisy". i mean, at some point, the elder ladies would have moved from "Miss" to "Ms."
4. i hate some of the lanes on the #1 hwy. i was trying to make it back to abby yesterday fairly quickly as i had a class and there was an accident in between 232 and 264 and it was driving me nuts because there were only two lanes.
5. i'm so tired.

kind of trite, check out the site.

2009-10-06T21:21:00.000-07:00

well after much work done by my coworkers and a former employee, our work website has been revised.

check it out here...

sadly, they didn't like my profile that i wrote up for myself. it was good. see below for original draft:

It was the summer of 2005. It was a hot summer, but it would be soon known as “The Summer to End All Summers”. This would be the summer that a shy, yet uniquely gifted and amazingly gorgeous accountant would join the firm known as Avisar Chartered Accountants. All of her previous jobs and experience led directly into the role that she would take on. She would be a technician. But not any technican, a technician on the public company side. Her brief tenure on the private company side was quickly thwarted by what would be called “the split”. This so-called split took a previously confusing and somewhat confusing mish-mash of jobs into two concrete departments. This would be the beginning of what forever would be known as the public company. ~~Lana quickly rose within~~…um. Lana does stuff for the department. Any unsuspecting coworker or client would soon learn her unique sense of humor. A humor that would make people’s head spin so fast, they wouldn’t know what hit them. Sure, there was accounting. Lots of accounting. Good accounting….but what would stand out was her passion to consume large quantities of dark-colored caffeinated beverages, make Barbie videos, and randomly take up drumming lessons. This would be the decade that Avisar would experience Lana Anderson.

4

2009-10-05T14:19:00.001-07:00

I think 4 is the weirdest number of all of them

2009-10-04T19:28:00.001-07:00

Test

no staycation.

2009-10-04T19:21:00.001-07:00

i'm having a hard time finding a cheap vacation for "single occupancy" around christmas time.

its a bit frustrating because you have to add $700-ish onto the price of what you see, even though you are the only one traveling. kind of frustrating. like we have twice the amount of spending to deal with especially after the year i've had. why would i want to pay twice as much than if i couple went somewhere warm. you would think the resorts would save money. drives me insane. i don't want to sit around here for two weeks and watch tv. i want to go somewhere warm. by the time christmas rolls around, it will have been 6 and 1/2 months since my last break.

i don't want to be on a staycation. i'll drive myself nuts. *correction, even more nuts.

i just want to go south. warm and south. southern warm. the warmness of the south.

pet

2009-10-04T09:50:00.000-07:00

probably my biggest pet peeve is when someone tries to convince you that something isn't an issue, and that's the way things are, then when things fall apart, they decide that it wasn't such a good idea...

smartest person without a degree

2009-10-04T09:45:00.000-07:00

i've been putting off one course for the sake of the other course, and i'm still finding it hard to balance the two courses well.

not to mention that work has had its ups and downs over the past little while, and my own personal issues. its a lot. i contemplate just walking away from it on a daily basis. i feel guilty i don't have my degree yet, but have had to make do in the meantime. i'm back at square one and at 32 i'm still struggling to finish it.

my brain can only take in so much...that after a day at work, i try and come home and focus on the school aspect, and its like my brain can only take in so much. so then i struggle through and feel guilty for taking a break knowing that i could be so much more productive. and on my days off, i'm trying to do the assignments and read and figure out how to do trigonometry. i'm seriously rewarding myself IF i finish the math course...

2009-09-30T21:07:00.000-07:00

i just wrote a letter (aka email on the questions page) to Dr. Neil Clark Warren.

ah. i see.

2009-09-30T20:53:00.000-07:00

funniest thing i heard today:
"if i was going bald, i would shave my head so that i would look like i was from the future"

saddest thing i heard today:
"that'll be $196 for speeding in a residential area, you should be careful"

saddest thing i heard all week:
we can't accept your profile because you're crazy (paraphrase from email from eHarmony.com).

normally i'm pretty vague when it comes to listing specifics on here. but i hate the fact that i have to listen to all of those eHarmony ads now, knowing full well i don't even make it past the initial selection process. i mean really, who doesn't make it through psychos?

significant savings

2009-09-27T17:33:00.000-07:00

did you know that if you buy a case of Mr. Noodles from Costco, it works out to about 18 cents a package. significant savings for these recession-like times.

so i have my cupboard filled with non-perishables for the upcoming few months. some instant oatmeal, tuna, chicken, some soups, and some recession-proof Kraft dinner.

that should take care of my food budget until Christmas.

actual response - eHarmony.com

2009-09-27T17:11:00.000-07:00

well. i feel hopeful. actual response from eharmony.com after JUST the registration process:

Unable To Match You At This Time

eHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive research with married couples. One of the requirements for successful matching is that participants fall within certain defined profiles. If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.

We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.

Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.

equal rights for all

2009-09-11T09:56:00.000-07:00

so the un-named university i'm going to is coke-products only.

i find that unfair. what about equal rights for all?

scoot.

2009-09-10T20:29:00.000-07:00

part of my master saving plan for the fall, meant i spent a bit of money and purchased a scooter.

heres the kicker. it is phenomenal on gas. so far i've filled it up twice, one time it cost $4.07 and the next time it cost about $3. which is also made me use my vehicle less, and so i've filled up only once in two weeks. that's really not bad consider i commute to langley. i've got to work on the clothes aspect, but i'll wait a few more paycheques until i buy a proper jacket. hard to justify that, when i just bought new jeans. odd i know.

i'm feeling my brain doesn't know what else to take it. i'm swamped, personal stuff wise, school wise, and work wise. i'm feeling almost panicked to get everything done by the end of November, in order to write the two finals...

still four more assignments, one paper, five quizzes, and two finals to go until i get a break. i want to go somewhere for Christmas, that is a "break", but we'll see. perhaps i'll do a road trip if the weather is nice enough around Christmas.

i'm feeling notoriously known for having really bad holidays...

random things on a labor day

2009-09-07T13:17:00.001-07:00

i think the young lady at New York Fries has way too much power personally. you take your job as a fry girl way too seriously.
I've been listening to "Don't stop believin'" by the cast of the hit tv show. don't mock it until you listen to it. yes, its a musical. but that's the beauty of it. a classic Journey song, made into a rock musical number. can't go wrong with it. if my landlords can hear through the walls, they are probably wondering why the same song is playing and over and over.
i officially know more math that anyone should theorotically know. who really needs to know the foci or vertices of a circle. really? is it necessary. although i find learning 'fun' i don't find 'making me feel like an idiot every single day' "fun". i'll be glad when its done, and i won't miss that feeling of guilt every time you sit down to watch tv or watch a movie thinking 'i could be studying'. but then your brain is fried, and there is nothing more your brain can handle. but then there is this pressure to figure it out, because the fall is going to be busy already. i'm smart-challenged.
i bought a scooter. it costs $4.07 to fill up. need i say anymore? its a yamaha and it doesn't go very fast. but i get to park for free at the university, and the parking spaces are great. no longer to i have to walk past the expectant mothers spots, the veterans spots, and the physically challenged spots. i just park wherever. its great. i love it. i'm trying to use my vehicle less, and just use the vehicle for longer trips. although i have to plan better when i'm going to go get groceries. i had to put my nectarines in the cup holder up front, because i ran out of room underneath the seat.
i have to learn not to rent such serious movies all the time, especially for the long weekends, where you really don't see anyone.
i organized all my socks. it was out of control.
i have my foster tv back. watching tv on the laptop was a **tch. no closed captioning which bothers me greatly. i catch about 20% of what is being said. and hard to read their lips, when their head is about 2" big on the 17" monitor screen. but i am borrowing a 42" tv for the fall. its amazing. makes me happy. yes, those things shouldn't, but they do. they really really do.
i have this desire to go dye my hair a crazy hair color. this is what long weekend do to me. i remember i got my nose pierced after the remembrance day holiday. perhaps too much time off. i don't want a tattoo, but the hair grows out.
my hairdresser actually said to me "when it gets to the point that you have to put it into a ponytail, come" in. apparently she didn't like the fact that i waited 9 months between hair cuts. hard to justify hair cuts really. when there is rent, food, gas...

dog eat dog.

2009-08-30T21:02:00.000-07:00

i've been watching a lot of "dog whisperer". its so good. i've actually learned a lot about humans while watching this show.

and i really love dogs. i'm surprised in all the random things i've done, that i haven't picked up a puppy. oh man, i would love a dog. i feel relaxed around them, and would just love one to cuddle with. that whole "feel like i'm being mean to them if i leave them alone all day" and "i'm not allowed dogs' thing is a real deterrant. but i've held off for quite awhile. i guess i don't "need" one. i would love an springer spaniel...

its 5:16am, do you know where your Lana is?

2009-08-29T05:12:00.000-07:00

for some strange reason, sleep has been aluding me. and much to my frustration, it is only adding to my stress and my head coold, not helping with it.

its saturday morning 5:16am. the one day i should be sleeping in and resting, and yet i have the most uneasy feeling.

lists. with math. and other stuff.

2009-08-28T19:03:00.000-07:00

i'm convinced that i think better if i write it out. not on paper, but a whiteboard. perhaps it makes me feel smarter, if i work it out, and then madly erase it, looking all scientist like.
i really hate natural logarithms. almost as much i hated the previous chapter on polynomial and rational functions. math makes me angry. very angry. some would call it "math rage". okay, so i'm the only one who calls it that. but i get so angry with it. i don't understand it. i hate the book. i disdain the fact that i have to relearn something that i left behind 15 years ago.
there is so much uncertainty right now. it stresses me out
since the last tire incident, i really don't feel bad for married people (Disclaimer: without kids) who have to spend a night or two alone. yeah no sympathy.
i commuted this week on my new scooter. it was chilly, but the ride home was pleasant. that's right, i said it. pleasant. and when it costs $4.07 to fill up, i'm gonna try to do it as much as possible. it took me a bit to get home, and i'm sure i annoyed some other drivers, but man, i will save gas, oh yes. i will.
conan o'brien did a skit "puppies dressed as cats" it made me laugh until i cried. i so needed that, i really did. i've been sick for most of the week, and overtired. funniest thing i've seen in a long time.
i did it. i killed michael jackson...

readership

2009-08-24T20:44:00.000-07:00

i have a new reader

a really hot coworker now reads my blog. but i think he did before. welcome ANDREW.

trippin out man

2009-08-24T19:41:00.000-07:00

so i took a couple of days "off" to go up north to a cabin for a few days. i knew there wouldn't be running water, or a working toilet, but since the stress of work and school, i decided i still needed to get away. i took my school books with me, to study, as i already felt guilty about leaving. but i barely got outside the whole summer, and have spent most of it re-learning algebra and trigonometry.

so went up there on the Friday after meeting with my regular-standing appointment with my tutor. got up there, and felt really fried. i previously had a long week where i was feeling fairly anxious and not sleeping very well. i knew it was only a matter of time before i got sick. i had a sore throat on Thursday, but wanted to nip the sickness in the bud before it got worse. i'm adding a course onto my load starting in Sep, and i need to be well for the long haul. my next "holiday" is at Christmas. a full four months away.

the next two days, i studied a bit, did some shooting, studied, watched a couple of movies and went for a walk. Saturday night the fever had set in, and my ears were almost completely plugged.

on the drive home, it all went fairly smooth, except when i got close to Yale, just passed Boston Bar. I heard a bang, and my car was acting funny. not "ha ha" funny, but just weird. the loud sounds made me think i was either me driving in Washington, i had driven over something or i had blow a tire. the latter was true.

i unwraped the tire cover from the back, got out the jack from the side cover. and noticed there was no thingy attached to the jack to turn it to get the jack to go up. nor was there a tire iron to take the back tire off the suv. crapola.

i read my honda manual and realize the tool kit isn't attached to the jack as it should be. was it there before? i have no idea? was it stolen? regardless, it wasn't there. and since no one was stopping, i knew i had to start walking. no cell phone range at that point. longer story short, i walked a bit when a van pulled up and asked if i needed help. it was a family from vancouver, and they helped me jack up the car and change the tire. sadly, the tire was torn and i need new tires for all them. i knew i needed them for the fall, but didn't want it to be on this paycheque.

sigh. i need a holiday intervention from either Oprah, Ellen, or travelocity.com. i just don't have the best of luck when it comes to holidays man.

a few years ago, when i came up from California all by myself, i ran over a metal ladder on the way home just outside of Everett. something happened with the gas something (technical i know) and i had to replace it, but other than that i could have been a lot worse. that time i didn't own a cell phone. but i got one that fall for that purpose.

i'm broken

2009-08-12T16:31:00.000-07:00

i know i'm going to sound like a broken record. but i'm actually fried. my brain can't hold anymore information in it. like i look at stuff but my brain isn't responding to what its reading and i don't quite know how to refresh it anymore. i try to have a nap, but it just tries and processes math equations (i'm not joking) so its not even resting. then i rest, and i feel guilty because i'm not doing math. odd eh. i need a really good break. there's only so much my brain can take and then it shuts down. and its shutting down. like with no other inputs it starts to freak out. i'm convinced it hates me.

82%

2009-08-08T08:02:00.000-07:00

82% second assignment - much better than the barely passing first assignment...

i'm okay with 82%. builds enough of a buffer for the final exam worth 70% or so...i've let the fact go that i'll never have an A in trigonometry...

long time reader, first time follower...

2009-08-05T17:30:00.000-07:00

i'd like to give a big shout out to my one follower on blogger. anika. thank you for reading...i only know that because blogger tells me that.

i'm tired. good thing i have cable now to drown out the voices in my head. i'm tired today.

sev

2009-08-02T14:22:00.000-07:00

i was in 7-11 yesterday and this lady was at the front counter when i walked in. i proceeded to walk to the back portion of the store to get a drink. the lady at the front, followed me (with her eyes) around the entire store. i mean completely obviously too, where she turned her entire body to follow me as i walked around the store.

i averted my eyes to begin with, but as i got closer to the front checkout stand, it was extremely hard to avoid the fact that she was staring me down. almost like she knew me, or was going to attack me. i couldn't decide. she looked semi-normal, but i couldn't help but feel uneasy. was my fly down, food on my face? finally i just decided to stare her down - with my best non-impressed face i could muster. she finally clued in, and apologized profusely. she said she was on some drugs with some severe side effects. (staring side effects???) she said she didn't mean to offend me. i told her i wasn't really offended, but couldn't figure out what was going on. i proceeded to buy my drink and leave the store as quickly as i could. before i could get robbed or whatever.

update

2009-08-02T13:22:00.000-07:00

i kind of find some things tough. i find it hard to make single sane, non creepy friends in the fraser valley. everyone seems to have their "groups". the marrieds seem to hang out with the marrieds. marrieds with kids, seem to hang out with marrieds with kids, and the spinsters are on their own. i don't have a "group" of friends. i didn't grow up here, i didn't go to school here, and i'm not about to start going to the bars to meet people. but sometimes i just want to go to the beach with people. people with the same interests and stuff. i find it hard in the organized religion group. "community" is such an interesting word. it means something for everybody i guess. and believe it or not, i have no desire to get married. i just want to feel apart of something, where i don't have to pretend to be perfect or holy or even musically gifted to belong.

and i don't want to feel like i have to move to vancouver to fit in either. so i'll be hanging out with 17 year olds in the fall when i return to university. great. i look like i'm 25, but have had about 15 years on them in terms of life experiences.

i'm not who everyone wants me to be. in fact, i'm nothing that anyone wants me to be. my goals and life ambitions have changed. or warped depending on how you look at it.

so yeah, my life totally feels like this really weird romantic comedy. where this 30-something semi-professional is doing school at the same time and she quickly realizes she all of her "friends" are married, and is forced to hang out with anyone who hangs out in the local library during her days off. and these 17 year olds find me somewhat attractive. great and all, but no, i'm not into robbing the cradle. sure the girls will be much more beautiful than me. i'm not attractive by any means. but i'm not hideous either. interesting stage of life...or same stage of life. everyone else seems to move on, or out, but...

2009-07-10T06:38:00.001-07:00

i have no idea how it happens. all of a sudden it is two weeks later.

check this out. for all three people who read the blog...

i'm not a shoe-in

2009-06-23T19:43:00.000-07:00

i feel angry at society for making me wear shoes. i feel wearing shoes are society's ways of imposing their strict and somewhat demeaning guidelines, and shoes are just one of the ways that society has a control on us.

i don't like shoes.

when will i wake up?

2009-06-21T14:10:00.000-07:00

i keep wondering when i'll wake up. even with caffeine, i'm feeling like i'm never really fully awake and just dead tired. like my eyes want to close all the time, and i'm just purely exhausted. i'm trying to take some cat naps but feel kind of guilty because i have so much work to do. school work, cleaning up, laundry. i need to go clothes shopping and grocery shopping.

best thing is that i am going house sitting for latter half of the week, so i get a break from the chaos which is the construction zone at the moment. and from there, i get to house sit for another household so everything will be for sure all done, and i can begin fully getting settled in.

i haven't figured out how to balance work, school, and trying to hang out with real people. to me, people are the first to go when i'm stressed, but it is so needed at the same time.

its been one week since you looked at me.

2009-06-20T10:45:00.000-07:00

so in the past week things have been lets say 'busy'. just one of those weeks, where you go into survival mode, and you're not exactly sure when you'll pop out of that mode.

early last Saturday morning, i was awoken by my landlord in my place telling me something was going wrong. for the life of me, i could not figure out what he was saying. realizing that something was wrong, and trying to calm my heart down at that point, i jumped up and proceeded to quickly get dressed. going downstairs i realized that my place was filling with water. i found Ron in the entrance way, and asked "whoa. what happened". now still not being fully awake and somewhat in shock, i stood there for a bit figuring out what was going on and what exactly we had to do. Marilyn was away for the weekend, so it was just me and Ron. Ron called Jerry to come and help and for the next few hours we proceeded to clean up and drag the carpets out.

apparently what happened, is the previous tenant had left a candle unattended in the bathroom and it burned a hole in the bathroom counter. when they replaced the counter (two weeks ago) the plumber (her boyfriend) didn't close all the pipes properly (i don't know the correct terminology for that). long story short, for some reason during the night on Friday, it started to leak and proceed to flood their basement and the other floor beneath me and my bathroom.

i get overwhelmed, lets say, rather quickly, and sometimes this has been a bit too much. the noise, constant interruptions. so in the past two weeks, i've moved, unpacked, started school, had a lot of change at work, had a flood, and somehow managed to rip a pair of jeans.

i can't believe how tired i am. but the good news, is that i get new flooring, in my bathroom, entrance way, and storage room, and i think they are going to stretch the carpets in here as well, which have somehow managed to fold in certain places.

i was at a staff bbq and managed to fall off the trampoline. well, launched off, is a better word, as both my and a fellow coworker jumped onto it at the same time. him being slightly heavier than me, kind of launched me off onto the ground, and i landed on a piece of wood surrounding the trampoline base.

on Friday, i helped unload my nicely organized storage room again, as they decided the room wasn't drying properly, so they had to rip out of the flooring. no problems there, except for it being my day off, and just wanted to chill. only problem, was that i came upstairs, sat on the couch, and my jeans ripped. i think that pretty much set me off, because i screamed. of course, no one can hear me because the fans were still turned on. i had to get to UFV to meet the tutor for math, because so much had happened this week, i haven't spent the time on the course, as i should have, so i didn't have time to summarize what we needed to go over. i thought if i got to the library an hour before, i could quickly go over what areas needed help, but when i got to UFV, i noticed something else (won't say what) and had to quickly drive home and get something, and proceed back to the library. i came home, only to have the guys still trying to rip out the flooring, and all i wanted to do was have a nap. i proceeded to try and do my course outside, but my head kept bobbing.

all i really want is some quiet and just watch a movie or something in my own place. i need to chill.

2009-06-17T17:35:00.000-07:00

"Two planes leave Pittsburgh and Philly at the same time, each going to the other city. One plane flies 25 miles per hour faster than the other. Find the airspeed of each plane if the cities are 275 miles apart and the planes pass each other after 40 minutes of flying time."

shouldn't the better question be: what movies are they showing on the plane? do i get a window seat? is the airline going to cancel my flight at the last minute? will i get snowed in?

i really couldn't care about the others...

transcript

2009-06-11T18:23:00.000-07:00

actual transcript of a conversation, while i was in an elevator downtown vancouver last week:

Random guy: so 15th floor. what's on the 15th floor?
Me: deadpanned (well. that's classified)
Random guy: seriously?
Me: um no.

i don't know. but it was really funny to me. i can't believe i said it so dead straight, and he actually believed me. i chuckled. all the way to the 15th floor.

song.

2009-06-08T18:38:00.000-07:00

i'm the meaning in my life. i'm the inspiration....

THE END

why solve for X, when i can't solve other things in life.

2009-06-07T14:32:00.001-07:00

i recently started upgrading some of my courses, to get into a specific program. and although i'm a non-certified accountant, i actually hate math. i'm not a mathematician, nor do i care about graphs and stuff. there are computers and formulas who do that sort of thing for me. but i've tried to go around this topic, but i just need to upgrade. although it is the hardest thing to do via correspondance.

solve for X:

3x2-45t3+22-44math9-dog=boat

that's what it appears to me. no wonder people had accountants and think we are boring, if that's what they think we do all day. i just do basic math in my job. the rest is classifying expenses, etc.

also, how does it happen that i don't blog for a month? how does that much time go by?

Into the Dim Cap Kill of the Great Salt Lake

2009-05-08T21:02:00.000-07:00

1. Diminished Capacity - starring Mathew Broderick. C

good movie. starts off kind of slow. ah who am i kidding, the whole thing is slow. i guess, it was probably a better book, than to turn it into a screen play. i found Mathew to be kind of depressing. yes, it was about diminished mental capacity, but i had a hard time connecting emotionally to the characters. it seemed to be trying to tug at my heart strings, but i just had a hard time right from the get go.

2. Into the Wild B-

great movie. probably one of the most interesting ones i've seen this year. after i found it was a real life story, i couldn't stop researching the guy who walked into the wild. you have to admit, wandering into the woods is tempting. no, i probably wouldn't shoot a moose, but there is something that was so appealing about just walking away from careers and expectations. i love being outside and the simplicity of it. granted, i wasn't expecting the nudist colony, or random nude females while kayaking. probably my favorite line is "careers are a 21st century invention". and yet its something we all need to have, and feel guilty if its not quite up to par.

the other favorite line was "Some people feel like they don't deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past." so true. and "the core of man's spirit comes from new experiences". i just long for a sense of adventure. bigger than accounting. i mean what is bigger than accounting? good point. i digress. it was a good movie, but totally made me think and i found myself frustrated and angry with him at the end. Christopher McCandless - RIP

3. Righteous Kill B

overall, kept me interested the whole way through. tense enough to keep me watching, but not tense enough where i had to take a teddy bear with me to bed. didn't really expect the ending to be how it was. was it righteous enough? sure.

4. the pirates of the great salt lake B+

at first i had no idea what the film was going to be like. kind of nervous, but it quickly turned into one funny movie. i think this is what kind of films christians could make, if they could get over trying to make hyper-spiritual christian movies. made by a plethora of Mormons from the salt lake region, this movie cracked me up. kind of random, but seriously, it was really funny. it would be one that i would recommend, but i would be careful who i would recommend it to. you have to be slightly random yourself to enjoy it.

favorite line: "How silly of us, to think that we could borrow a book from the LIBRARY!" (okay, so you have to see the movie to understand how he says it)

hearing impaired impaired.

2009-04-18T21:39:00.000-07:00

i'm not exactly sure how spanish subtitles are supposed to help me. i watch all movies on subtitles, because i don't hear so well at the best of times. so i'm not cranking up the sound and waking the neighbors, i put everything on closed captioning. but i just rented a movie and the only subtitles are in Spanish. that doesn't help me in the slightest. so either i crank up the sound or try and translate it at the same time.

and my tv is broken, so i can't change the closed captioning option so i'm watching all tv and i miss about 1/2 of what is said.

so uncool.

its either a new tv this year, or a trip to Mexico. and right now, i desperately need sun more so than a new tv. and i'll compensate by buying one of those really big cones.

My grains.

2009-04-11T01:09:00.000-07:00

i keep getting migraines. i have had three this week. one on Monday at work, one during the night last night, and one this morning. normally there is some sort of trigger that i can tie it to. but alas, not this week. aspartame used to be a huge trigger for me, but i haven't had any aspartame recently, that i know of.

my only problem. oh who am i kidding. one problem is the auras that appear before the migraine hits. i know that within the 1/2 hour a massive headache is on its way. i can't see out of my eyes. at least half of my vision is blocked by the squiggly lines. hard to see computer screens that's for sure.

i'm convinced nothing helps. no drugs. i find breathing aggravates it too. like the air going up my nose is somehow connected to the migraine. and they aren't headaches. oh how i wish they were. the only thing i can do is sleep. in the past, i would get so sick if i stayed awake that i would throw up. now i find it easier and less painful to sleep it off. i just wish i could prevent them.

like today. good friday. i had a migraine. how lame is that? i don't usually get flu sick, but the occaisional migraine pops up. and when they do, they appear in clusters. but not like a brain tumor like in Kindergarten Cop. which i might add, was a brilliant film. just saying.

i can't decide if cold compresses help or if a heating bag helps more. either way i'm just distracting myself from the pain.

i don't consider myself to have a ton of stress right now. although i have heard that pressure changes in the air sometime trigger migraines or allergies. it is getting closer to spring. either way again, i have to use up sick days on a migraine. but i find it easier to work naseated than blind.

Test

2009-04-09T22:48:00.001-07:00

Test blog entry from my cell phone

i don't believe in magically delicious food items.

2009-04-09T18:53:00.000-07:00

i'm just curious how something can be magically delicious? like either its delicious or not. ridiculous.

not much going on around these here parts yo.

2009-03-15T18:14:00.000-07:00

1. i think michele is cheating at Hearts. sure. Michele is the computer, but i still think she's cheating.
2. i've never wanted to be wrestler. and i'm okay with that.
3. i will never buy extra thick sliced cheese for grilled cheese. way too thick
4. i changed the computer players names to Jesus, JayZ and Mary. just so i could say "Jesus, come on play your turn".
5. this is not it.
6. this is not it either.
7. i've been contemplating doing something. but i'm not sure if i'm up for it. or if i can handle the rejection.

situational comedy. all relative.

2009-03-08T19:52:00.000-07:00

i grew up watching tv. i mean, 227 was where i wanted to live, and i wanted to live at the house where Silver Spoons was filmed, and wanted a stop light in my living room. i lived to watch tv, and could escape for hours into the little set. i watched M.A.S.H. and Three's Company, although i totally didn't pick up on some of the humour. i watched cartoons early saturday morning, and couldn't wait for the weekdays for the new sitcoms to come out. the seavers and the cosbys were my surrogate relatives, and i learned that everything was funnier with a laugh track. in fact, i secretly wish i could carry around a laugh track with me, so that when i say something, i could hit 'play' and everyone laughs. and then hit the 'sentimental' music track when things get serious. and do that, side head shake, where everyone rolls their head back in laughter.

i'm serious, i think i could be good at writing sitcoms. just need that co-writer. perhaps it would be something a little like this:

[generic non-specific accounting office scene, workers scattered around]

sally: i need those financial statements stat, otherwise those derivatives won't be the only thing embedded

[insert canned laughter for lame accounting joke]

tim: sure, thing sally, cause i live for this stuff.

sally: you need to get out more

tim: i was out the other day, i went to the post office

sally: right. slow down there tiger.

_____________________________________

okay, so i didn't say it would be a funny sitcom, i just think it would be funny. perhaps to myself. i just hear theme music sometimes.

great potential, current failure.

2009-03-08T19:44:00.000-07:00

i think that bugs me, is the promise of finding something, that isn't findable. and the "its here right now" frustrates me. and people who say "great potential" is another way of saying "current failure".

failed reality tv show ideas

2009-02-23T21:10:00.000-08:00

1. So You Think You Can Count: reality show where accountants are paired up and must create and review financial statements in the span of an hour tv show. contestants are kicked off due to financial errors or fraud issues

2. The Amazing Braces: tv crew follows local teens with braces everywhere from orthodontist appointments to the prom.

3. Heal or No Heal: religious contestants must decide whether the models have been miraculously healed, or sadly, not healed. Tag line: a little faith? or a lot of luck? Find out this week, on Heal or No Heal.

4. Average Sized Sibling: a spin-off of Big Brother, comes a new reality show, which tracks a single person in their apartment, with food challenges such as "shopping" and "7-11 Slurpee Runs". Will she win the Power of Burrito and nuke the food without exploding it? find out next time on: Average Size Sibling

5. Heaven's Kitchen: contestants serve up food at their local food shelter all while serving their Chosen Higher Power. only those who don't make the food line, lose out on this reality show!

bacheloretteish

2009-02-19T20:11:00.000-08:00

trust me. bacheloretteish is a word. it means "living in the style of a bachelorette". not in Websters yet, but it will.

every year, around this year, it becomes about survival of the fittest. or just survival. although i don't deal with taxes, it is insane at the office anyways. but when people say "you must be busy with tax season" i say "yes" because it takes too long to explain what exactly i do. it is highly classified what i do.

i swear i become a bachelorette to the fullest. doing dishes once a week on Saturdays, while doing laundry, and trying to make the most of the groceries, so to limit the amt of trips to the grocery store. i bring groceries to work, because i'm convinced i eat more meals there than at home. work, home, sleep, repeat. and working on the days off, i become super protected of my time "off" while figuring out the quickest way to make grilled cheese.

and to show how much accounting i do, i realized i shortened the word "amount" automatically in the previous paragraph. its a good thing i didn't write a paragraph about having to adjust the foreign exchange for the canadian short term investments at the BAnk of Nova Scotia. (adj f/e BNS CAD ST Investments). that would have been awkward to read.

crap cakes

2009-02-08T15:12:00.000-08:00

its been a long long time since I've blogged. perhaps I'm in a bit of a writing mood, or time to write once. i just don't know. that is the benefit of having your own blog.

i still haven't found what i've been looking for. in fact, I'm actually further away than i was a year ago. i've been going through some stuff, apart from the usual crap that I go through. i mean, real stuff. but the old stuff doesn't fit into my new stuff. so one thing has to go. and the One thing that used to bring somewhat hope and life, makes me angry and annoyed.

its just not for me. its doesn't seem real. and its like this big fairy tale that is not for me. and no matter what i do or try, its like i don't belong. and its a whole different language. and all those promises, they don't mean anything, if everyone can experience them and i can't. i just reached a limit of trying to pretend to make it work. i'm nothing special. i'm clairvoyant, i'm not poetical, i'm not musical, or particularly gregarious, or a great speaker. i like to make random videos. i'm going to have to piece my life together on my own. because what has it helped so far? its has caused nothing but frustration and more guilt than content, peace or joy. if it works for others that's great.

but for now, i'm thinking "It's all crap".

2008-09-01T12:09:00.000-07:00

i have GOT to be the most accident prone person i know. this past week, i have bruised my leg, and banged my head, and stabbed myself with a staple.

its not that i'm not careful, but perhaps because my head doesn't think very clear all the time. i don't know really. that's my reason for now.

dog days of summer.

2008-08-30T12:19:00.000-07:00

i've never been a really big fan of cats. Dogs, on the other hand, make me happy. cats are weird. pretentious and snobby.

i was house sitting this week, and the place had three cats. i'm sure when i wasn't there, they were all plotting how they would harass me the next day. perhaps they were bored, without the rest of their family there. to go from 6 people to one. surely, i must have been boring to them. all i really wanted to do was cuddle with the kitten. no such luck.

and litter boxes. yeah, well, not on my list of favorite things to do. but alas, the break in the nice house, up on Eagle Mtn was good. i pretended to be on holidays after work.

if i was going to get an animal, it would be a springer spaniel dog. great dogs. really friendly. now, granted i'm not home a lot, but would love a dog, to greet me when i come home. i can totally see myself with one of these dogs.

recent ramblings to myself. for myself. by myself.

2008-08-24T21:15:00.000-07:00

i've been thinking lately. i mean, much more than the usual amount, i guess. and reading. i don't normally read, but this summer i've been reading. odd, i know.

i've been thinking about things and life. how you are born, and then realize you're disconnected from everything, and you spend your entire life trying to connect to that Something, and it still doesn't work. you know you're not supposed to be striving, but do you roll over and die? a wishful thought sometimes. i wish for a lot of things to be different. i wish i had better hearing, and that my back would straighten and not be in pain every day, i wish i was taller and with less cellulite. yes, skinny people have it. i wish i had better health, and had more confidence. i wish i wasn't going to die alone, wishing i had more energy to do stuff, and not be bombarded by my own self all the time.

but i do feel disconnect. from people, from myself. even Someone more important than the rest, and that i don't know how to solve.

yeah, i'm a bit of a paradox sometimes. i hate being with people, yet want to hang out with people. i hate crowds, but love going to events. i want to do everything, and yet i want to do nothing. i'm independent yet can't function on my own. i want a dog, but can't take care of plants. i love sleep, but don't like sleeping lately. its that season, where tiredness becomes exhaustion, and exhaustion becomes agitation, and agitation becomes rage. its not that i think that i'm schizophrenic but i change my mind hourly lately. like i go to the store, sit outside of it, and then walk away because i just don't want to. or sit and hold my vitamins in my hand, and not want to swallow them. at first i thought it was laziness, but i just don't know. or i can gather up my clothes to do some laundry, and then pack it all back. or clean out the pool just to go for a swim, and when the pool is finally cleaned out and vacuumed, i don't want to swim but just rest. depressed much?
and i'm 31. i should have these things figured out by now.

slow down. breathe. be kind. stop grabbing.

2008-08-17T20:37:00.000-07:00

its probably a good thing i have a full-time non-freelance job. it keeps me sane. or at least saner than i would be without a job. i mean i love a couple days off, but i think keeping my own schedule would be disastrous.

i've watched Titanic twice this week. and if you think about it, that is 6 hours of my life, that i'll never get back. 6 hours of a show that i've already seen, and can pretty much quote. and yet, i'm drawn to the movie. like a person to a car wreck. or a shipwreck. you just can't look away.

i've recently gone off of facebook. more as a self-preservation thing than anything. it was tough reading about everyone's lives, knowing that i hadn't seen the sun in a long time. that i spent most of my summer, working through my lunches to cover for someone else. and that i had to make hard decisions. decisions that didn't make people happy. most of all i do get into self-preservation mode when i'm stress. i don't want to be around people. yet i know its important. i don't feel i have anything to add to conversations, except listening to others. and something i have been doing is reading. its like writers have a way of expressing my thoughts so much better than i could mine. mine get all jumbled and weird. kind of like spaghetti. but less exciting.

i know most people have forgotten about this blog. i'm kind of glad about that. i means i can say words like 'ah phooey' and i don't have to worry about it. i just finished watching "The Savages". the one with Philip Seymour Hoffman. i love that actor. anyways, its those types of movies, that make me painfully aware that i'm probably going to die alone. in a hospital somewhere, maybe in like, Florida. after living in a trailer park for seniors.

and i'm currently reading "Plan B: further thoughts on faith", and its making me laugh and cry at the same time. and one theme that she keeps talking about is "slow down, breathe, be kind, and stop grabbing". i have to remind myself to be nicer to myself. i am trying, i just revert back to being mean really quickly. it doesn't take long or much.
that was a long post after not blogging for almost four months. at this rate, i'll have an update around Christmas. i expect it to be less sunnier then.

update and a sale

2008-05-10T21:18:00.001-07:00

well so much has happened since i last blogged.

went to africa
spent time in africa
and came back home again
decided to move to the country

so for sale:

2005 devinci podium bike
wind trainer
bike rack for cars

time.

2008-02-27T20:55:00.001-08:00

i am going to have a little tutorial session with myself tonight. and go over what the numbers mean.

like 4:30 means its still early. although it looks like a 7:00am looks like 4:00am, IT'S NOT.

a good indication if it's still early, is the level of light outside.

okay. glad we cleared things up.

non-sleeping average lookingy

2008-02-27T05:48:00.000-08:00

once upon a time, there lived a girl, who lived in a tower. and she couldn't sleep. while everyone on the entire western seaboard was sleeping, she decided to pack for Africa. trying on clothes, making her lists, measuring her luggage. but then after not sleeping through the night, she realized she gets very grumpy mid-afternoon.

the end.

i'm bringing my back back.

2008-02-24T21:29:00.000-08:00

i have just under three weeks to learn how to relax my back and hip muscles, strengthen my left knee, right ankle, right hip, and left shoulder, and straighten my neck so i don't have constant headaches or that clicking sound when my head moves.

yeah. that's totally going to happen. the same day, my hearing comes back in my left ear.

or when pigs fly. either one.

i'll definitely be taking ibuprofen and robaxacet. in fact, i'll probably be on it the whole time. but it'll be worth it.

craziness.

2008-02-23T06:49:00.000-08:00

i can't believe i'm going to Africa.

here are some of my thoughts about it:

1. am i crazy?
2. i'm excited.
3. what is this thing you call a 'skirt'? let me google what it is.
4. i think my body has started adjusting to the time difference already. it loves to awake early. it's so thoughtful.
5. i have so much to do.
6. I'M GOING TO AFRICA.
7. i'm terrified.
8. i hope my back ends up being okay. my knees hurt right now, and my back is always in pain. but i think the activity will be good, instead of sitting at a desk all day.
9. i get to see the sun.
10. i have no idea how i'm going to pack everything i need into one carry-on.
11. am i crazy?
12. what in the world am i going to do there?
13. i really hope there isn't too much of a backlog at work when i get back.
14. i'm actually less nervous about it now, than three weeks ago.
15. this is going to be really stretching. either way it goes, i don't think i'll come home the same.
16. it'll be strange to be around 24 people all the time, and then readjust back to being by myself.
17. i'm actually looking forward to this.
18. i'm really not musical at all.
19. i get to use a really nice camera when i'm there.
20. it's really too bad we can't stay longer in Paris.

re: lax

2008-02-19T18:08:00.000-08:00

it amuses me when people tell me to 'relax'.

oh, okay, why didn't i think of that?

and by 'amuse', i mean slightly annoyed.

Everybody hates Martha

2008-02-09T13:04:00.000-08:00

There is no one in the bible whose personality is more hated than Martha's. The uptight, task focussed, distracted Martha.

I don't necessarily think that Jesus was upset with her because she was focusing on the details, but the fact that she was complaining about Mary not helping her.

Mary chose what was better, and that won't be taken away from her. Martha gets rebuked.

I always wonder what I would do if Jesus here today, and if I saw him at the grocery store, or at a church or something. How would i react? Would I be cautiously watching from the outside and observing. Or anxiously trying to get him to notice me? Would I slowly creep up and try and touch the hem of his garment, trying not to bother him, because he would have so many more important things to do? I think I'd be analyzing how he was interacting with others. Would he embarrass those who were uncomfortable around him, and didn't rush to his feet in complete adoration? And I'd know that whatever I'd do, it would be wrong, and it's not the right way.

The bible is an example of so many people who did things wrong, and now they are mocked in church. I've heard people talk about people in the bible, and they can't believe the things people did. I can picture myself doing everything. I can see myself freaking out during the storm, doubting Jesus with provision, acting like the churches did in the book of Revelation, and being bitter over life's unexpected turns like Naomi. I would hope I wouldn't do all those things, but realistically I do those things now. I am acutely aware of all my faults, and I can judge the person beside me easy enough. But perhaps I'm the only one who thinks that. They say, that the main difference between us and monkeys is that as humans, we have the ability to commit every sin possible.

It seems that he creates people who are task orientated than wants them to change into a people person. I'm just not good with people. I rarely know what to say to people. My brain seems to go into shock, and it doesn't think clearly.

awfully serious for a saturday.

a little list.

2008-01-31T16:30:00.001-08:00

1. i couldn't find my cell phone this morning. turns out it was sitting in the little snow bank by my car overnight. it was still working too.
2. i work a suit today. it's amazing how many comments i got. you would have thought i had worn a dress or something by the reactions.
3. i am busy, and can't get my body to come off of the "turbo" mode and relax.
4. i have been reminding myself to breathe lately. i catch myself holding my breath.
5. i have 41 days until i go to Africa. that's crazy talk. i'm going to Africa.
6. i have a lot to do in the next 41 days.
7. i actually hate talking on the phone. I just don't like it.
8. i feel i have most of my meals at work now. its really sad, that i have more groceries at work than at home.
9. that's it.

Four score

2008-01-11T20:49:00.000-08:00

Four.

I have four readers now.

bff

2008-01-11T19:21:00.000-08:00

i think my blog is much like a friend from grade five. you feel obligated to keep it going, but realize there is nothing there. but you have that commitment of "best friends forever" but you're so bored having the exact same conversations over and over again, and you just want to RUN, RUN away! you look at the necklace and realize you're breaking the most sacred thing ever. i mean, how many "BFF's" will you have in your lifetime.

i mean. i think there are only three people that read it.

AND SCENE.

i talked.

2007-11-30T06:45:00.000-08:00

i've been at my place of work for about 2 1/2 years, and there is the telephone system guy who has come in every so often to fix our phones.

today we actually talked.

special.

2007-11-30T06:18:00.000-08:00

so i was recently at a women's retreat, and there were about five of us, sitting around as people were arriving.

i had something, probably reflective yet somewhat amusing, and everyone was like "what did you say, we didn't understand you?"

one of the ladies i had just met said:

"i know what she said, i used to teach special ed."

days off of my life

2007-11-17T10:08:00.000-08:00

i'm starting to get more protective of my days off. saturday seems to be the only day that i can completely stay home and rest, as the rest of the week seems busy. i don't care what married people say, single people have stress and need to rest too, without feeling like we're selfish. okay, i lied, i do care.

paging paige page

2007-11-15T12:09:00.000-08:00

i am excited that paige davis is returning to "Trading Spaces".

she married a guy with the last name 'page' too.

slightly serious.

2007-11-12T10:57:00.000-08:00

i keep going over the fact that happiness is not guaranteed by Someone. Someone doesn't owe us anything, but i can't help but feel i've been jipped somehow. its just how i feel, don't judge. but i know that Someone is bigger than anything. its hard to keep a good attitude all the time, or even a portion of the time. but Someone is on their seat, and the Character of Someone doesn't actually change.

its windy and stormy outside. i can't control that.

2007-11-11T16:16:00.000-08:00

i feel uninspired. tired.

everytime i sit down to write something, i just stare at the screen, and feel i should update but feel tired, shut it down, and play around with photoshop.

i'm going to try and save a lot of money this fall/winter. so part of that plan means getting rid of one of my phones. no one really calls my home phone number except telemarketers and rogers video telling me the videos i rented are overdue. i don't want to give up the cell phone, because i have gotten quite used to it. it does have bad reception sometimes, and i do need to charge it more. it has less voice mail options, and long distance doesn't fair too well. unless i remove the voice mail from my home phone and have everything routed to my cell phone. i know that two cell phones just aren't a necessity so that is one thing i can cut out. i will be selling my bike, due to being banned from competing. and if one day i was able to go back, i would totally buy a new better bike anyways.

i'm trying to be more deligent in saving my pop cans and returning them. i deposited the $5 i got from the last cash-in right into my bank account. its only $5, but i have to start somewhere.

i think the next thing that i can save money on is eating out, and picking up something quick. i feel like i waste food, if i pre-buy a lot of stuff, and it just goes bad in the fridge. and if i buy too many frozen stuff, i feel like i'm eating frozen foods all the time, but i know it saves time in the week.

and if i buy pepsi in bulk instead of one can at a time, i can save at LEAST $1 a can. our coffee shop at work sells them for $1.58 and sometimes i go for it, just for the convenience of it. i need to stop that.

i have had to replace my entire wardrobe from last year, as i have lost weight throughout the year. i just want it to stay the same, its expensive having to replace everything.

car stats

2007-10-03T15:09:00.000-07:00

year: 1998
acquired: 1997
Km: 242,000
AKA: Heidi the Honda
Name changed to Oct 2007: Money pit
Accidents: four
Break-ins: 6
doors damaged: 1
locks damaged: 2
hoods bent up: 1
bumbers ruined: 2
road trips: too many to count, multiple ones to Oregon, Saskatchwan, Alberta, BC, one to California alone.
car stereos stolen: two
Ferry rides: too many to count
detailed: once
mold infestation: everywhere
pepsi spills: too many to count
bug caught behind spedometer panel: one
money spent on car in past week: $1,200
actual car worth: $1,500
sense it makes to put repairs in it: none

soap monkey

2007-09-30T13:58:00.000-07:00

i have the distinct priviledge of owning a soap dispenser that has a monkey inside the bottle.

although sometimes i am concerned that people are going to think its real.

they are all like, washing their hands, and go for the soap and scream. then they realize its just plastic.

its not a real monkey though. its fake.

a random september list

2007-09-16T14:21:00.000-07:00

1. when i'm asked if i need help out to my car at Safeway, i feel like saying, "no, but i could use some help carrying the basket around the store".
2. i don't care for border cowboys.
3. i wore different shoes to work. again. although this time i didn't go downtown vancouver.
4. i think chocolate lucky charms and yogurt is the breakfast of champions. i mean, really, is anyone going to say to me "They are fattening".
5. i am officially done competing in triathlons. i'm allowed to be "active".
6. Carrot Top is a wierd guy.
7. i need new tires. and i need to strip the carpet inside my car because it is moldy. and the carpet on the ceiling.

Psalm 23 - a must see. that rhymes too.

2007-08-27T21:53:00.000-07:00

i thought this video was the cutest reciting of Psalm 23, i've ever heard.

kind of ironic though. for me.

ironman not so much 2008

2007-08-25T00:29:00.001-07:00

ironman would have been this weekend. essentially its been a year, since i've really been able to do anything too strenuous . i really miss, being able to de-stress by going for a run, or a bike. i miss the smell of chlorine. i miss that high. i miss that healthy feeling of going for a run, and being completely exhausted, yet energized, and so hungry that you'll eat anything just to replenish the food you used up. perhaps i was too dependant on that, but i loved the fact that it didn't require anyone else. i could get up and go for a bike, or something, and i didn't need anyone else to do that. it wasn't based on double occupancy. perhaps a bit isolating but is sitting at home any better? any ideas i come up to replace that involve some sort of athleticism ie . tennis lessons, golf, lacrosse, soccer. sometimes i think the pain is all in my head, but then i look at the xrays, and not one portion of my back is straight. as soon as the give me the go ahead to do something, something else pops out of place. i know my ribs are out right now, as there is a stabbing pain, behind my shoulder blades, and sternum. i'm not having a heart attack, but sometimes i just don't get enough air in. i can almost live with the fact that i won't be able to bike or swim, but i just want the pain to stop. that sitting standing, lying down pain.

its just a lot to handle sometimes. there is a ton of other stuff going on, but this adds to some of it. it used to be a HUGE stress release for me. i felt healthier.

i just loved the days when it was sunny, and you felt you could go for miles. i loved going into the tuck position and fly down zero ave. i don't miss the bug swallowing aspect though.